theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
