Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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