Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
