Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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