I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
