..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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