Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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