my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
