based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
