Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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