Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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