This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
