we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
