I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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