you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Randomize
