Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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