The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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