I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
