And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
