It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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