Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
