oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
