and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
