Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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