it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
