South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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