I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
