Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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