If that was your dad, he is hot
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
