i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
