I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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