I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
