I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
