The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
