Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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