Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
