absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
