k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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