I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
