high people should be assigned attendants
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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