Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
