Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
