bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
