Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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