i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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