Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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