dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
