the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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