I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
