So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
